Sometimes it feels like marriage gets lost amid the kids. Its easy to forget that the whole reason for the incessant demands and chaos is rooted in love. And it is. Truly rooted.
Daxson and I fell in love almost 13 years ago. We were married within a year. We spent our first four years trying to figure out how this whole marriage thing works and then we were blessed with our first child. Then, like clockwork, we welcomed another bundle of joy every two years. We have 4 beautiful children who are complete reflections of the two of us. It is crazy. Every day. And somedays it feels like all Dax and I have time for is to share a smile over little sleeping heads at the end of each day, as we ourselves, drift off to sleep, exhausted at these little years.
Marriage isn’t like falling in love. Marriage requires effort. Renewal. Commitment. Reminders of all that is good. Marriage requires a constant hum to remind ourselves how incredibly beautiful the sacrament truly is. It needs a mantra. Marriage is hard, oh but marriage, when rooted in God, is always good. Not easy, but most certainly good.
Dax is my right hand man, my best friend and my sweet and thoughtful lover. But sometimes I forget. I get caught up in the daily grind…the laundry, the cooking, the schooling and Dax and I literally throw one another a kiss in passing. Some days it feels like we just butt heads…disagreeing over the trivial things that all couples and all parents face. Other days are a steady calm as we just keep this whole crazy family afloat. And then there are days like today when i am sweetly nudged and reminded of how beautiful marriage is and I fall in love all over again and I know that I am truly the luckiest girl alive. And I bask in that knowledge. I soak it up like a woman dying of thirst because the cycle will begin again…the crazy daily family life. Its inevitable…life doesn’t stop for marriage…the trick is to hold it in my hand and renew those falling in love moments whenever I can, no matter how small the moment might seem, to just grab it and hold on tight so that when I am serving his dinner on one of those crazy chaotic days, I can steal a glance at him and remember that he is my root. My stronghold. My love. My life. Because as my wise mother once said, “your kids are only yours for a brief moment but your husband…your husband is yours forever.”
So to my forever husband, I fell in love all over again today over a bubble bath. A hot, candlelit bath drawn especially for me because you love me. But it wasn’t the bath I fell in love with…it was you. Your strong hands and determined spirit. Your gentle almost reverent way of treating Katie. Your rough and tumble attitude toward our boys. That is what I saw when I looked at that bubble bath. It just took a bath to get me to slow down and see all those things. Really, it just doesn’t get better than this…that feeling of falling in love all over again. Tomorrow, I have no doubt, will be back to the crazy, lovely, insanity but for this one moment, I am remembering everything good about this marriage and I am so thankful that it’s you on this journey with me. So until our next falling in love moment, please hold tight to this one and know how very much i am still in love with you.