A Secret

I have a secret.  You are probably going to think I’m nuts, but I’m going to share my secret with you anyway.  Okay, here goes:  I love waking up to nurse William during the night.  I know, I know, you think I’m crazy, but let me try to explain.  I don’t love losing sleep.  Oh no, not me.  In fact, I consider myself to be a little sleep obsessed (translate: I’m cranky when I don’t get enough).   So if I’m not suffering from some form of insomnia, then you’re probably wondering why in the world I like, no actually, enjoy, getting up in the middle of the night to nurse.

I’ve been reflecting on this, too: why do I enjoy getting up in the middle of the night to nurse?  With Joseph it was different.  I remember waking up in the morning and grudgingly saying to Dax, “How did you sleep?” but before he could answer, I’d say, “Well, Joseph was up every hour last night” and then off I’d go in a huff feeling cheated of a good night’s sleep.  It’s not that William nurses less often.  It’s not that I’ve become accustomed to sporadic bursts of sleep.  It’s not that I’ve become some type of martyr or that I’ve discovered a new level of mothering.  It’s actually much simpler than that.  It’s just that I relish my one opportunity to simply be with William.  Finally…no one is tugging at me or demanding my attention.  No one is asking if I already unloaded the dishwasher or threw the diapers in the washer.  No one is asking me to choose a book or find a sock.  The phone is not ringing; the doorbell is silent; the computer is off.  It’s quiet.  It’s peaceful.  It’s serene.  It’s just me and William.  No interruptions.  Just us.  And for that, I don’t mind losing a little sleep.

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